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Hoeski’s and Broski’s
Well, 7-hours of wrestling 3-days in a row this week. Did y’all survive? I did. Thankfully it gave me something to do at work. However, I may be a bit wrestled out, so I’m glad I won’t see any wrestling until Tuesday. What did everyone think of the Elimination Chamber?
My apologies as I am aware at how late we are posting. Technical difficulties, you see. My lap top adapter cord decided to fall apart. I hope you will enjoy us even though we are a bit late.
***the views and opinions expressed in “Boot Camp” are strictly my own and do not in any way reflect those of WWE, TNA or any other group that I might inadvertently piss off! But….If you’re gonna get all emo over it, then run home to your mommy, curl up in the fetal position and cry salty tears into your fucking Ovaltine!!***
BOOT CAMP
BOOBIES!!!!!
Alright! Now that I have your undivided attention….
Let’s do this!
What have I missed since last time I was here? Oh, right. Eve slobbered all over John Cena and got caught being a whore by her “boyfriend”, Zack Ryder. God, the look on Ryder’s face was hilarious. He looked like he was shitting electrified barbed wire! The whole bit was so staged and just stunk of “soap opera”, it made me cringe in my recliner hoping nobody actually noticed me watching it. Only thing missing was some cheesy Spanish dialog…but this is Eve, not Rosa Mendes.
Oh, and then, Zack Ryder got shoved off of the stage in a wheelchair by Kane. I don’t care if his “injuries” are fake or not…his fall off the stage had to hurt!
Now, to this week, and the story continues….much to our chagrin. Best part of all of this is that Eve once again had no awareness of her surroundings, and when she was running off at the mouth to Nikki and Brie Bella backstage about how she is using Ryder and Cena…..there’s John Cena just a few steps away to hear every stupid word. So, what does “Mr. PG” do? He goes to the ring with Eve and proceeds to rip her to shreds in a tirade that is rivaled only by Chris Jericho’s epic promos against Stephanie McMahon. Cena coined a new term that night….”hoeski”, which was naturally trending worldwide on Twitter the instant it left Cena’s lips. Eve dropped to her knees and cried and made a big scene, but I gotta tell ya….she had it coming.
I thought it was funny how Cena seemed to rush and stumble through some of his more scathing lines during that promo. He almost came off as being uncomfortable. Proof that the “PG Era” has cut the balls off of everyone on the roster. Cena works to hard to look good for the kiddies. He’s the kind of guy who would barely flinch if one of the Make-A-Wish kids shat himself during a photo op.
What? Was it really going to hurt his image any worse than the Twitter war he is having with The Rock? Cena’s getting a lot of mileage on Twitter lately. In fact, the WWE in general seems to be all over Twitter’s dick every week. Do they owe them money or something? You can’t watch RAW or SmackDown or anything presented by WWE anymore without hearing Twitter being mentioned every 10 seconds and seeing the newest hash-tagged bullshit pop up in the bottom of your screen. Can we just change the name to WTF (World Tweeting Federation)? I swear they talk more about what’s trending on Twitter than they do about what’s going on in the ring. One of the little facts they posted after coming back from a commercial during SmackDown the other night showed the number of John Cena’s followers compared to those of The Rock. Why should any of us care? I think CM Punk got it right a while back when he shot back at John Laurinaitis (after he bragged about how many followers he had) by saying, “Screw you, and your 30,000 Twitter followers!”
Only difference is, Cena has over 1 million, and The Rock has over 2 million. That’s a LOT of screwing, and I’m not sure I’ve got the energy for that kind of thing anymore.
Are we supposed to believe that the fans hang so heavily on everything WWE does that they have nothing better to do on Monday and Friday nights than sit in front of their computers and spam Twitter by hash-tagging everything people say? It sure seems like it. Is this really what the world has come to?
If it is, then let me put this in terms you all will understand….
#FuckIt
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Best wishes for a speedy and complete recovery to Jesse Sorenson from Impact Wrestling. He was severely injured during a match recently when Zema Ion leaped over the top rope and nailed Sorenson on top of the head with his knee. All Skyrim jokes aside, I cannot even begin to imagine how hard this has to be for him, let alone his family. I just hope he manages to recover even if it means he chooses to leave the industry because of it.
Sorenson needs to get back in the ring and make some big money to get his Mom some serious dental work. They showed her in an interview, and she looks like she uses dentures made out of granola.
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A little bit more about this fucking fruit bat, Zema Ion. He walks down the ramp practically emptying a whole can of aerosol hair spray on himself, and during his matches, he often goes back and sprays his hair a second time. My thoughts? Obviously, TNA Impact doesn’t care about the environment. All those ozone depleting flourocarbons he’s putting in the air have got to be dangerous.
Ya see, guys? By not watching Impact, THIS is the kind of thing you’re missing. Do you see what I put myself through for the greater good of this blog? I deserve a freakin’ Nobel Prize for putting up with this horse dookie!
With any luck at all, maybe Zema Ion’s hair spray abuse will open a giant hole in the ozone layer over the Impact Zone, and the sun’s rays will beat down harder and harder as time goes by until, one day, the whole place goes up in flames and TNA goes out of business.
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What is Bully Ray’s obsession with his calves? He’s always flexing and pointing to them like we all should be impressed. I guess it could be worse. He could pull his pants down and make us look at his crusty butt-hole. Instead, the “ass” part is simply implied. He makes one of himself every time he’s on camera.
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Does WWE really think that making Taker VS Triple H, part 2 a Hell In A Cell match will help us look past the point that it’s still a repeat of last year’s WrestleMania match…just inside the cell? What’s next? How about a Hog Pen from Hell match? Why does Undertaker agree to this kind of thing? Does he want to be remembered in his last few matches at Mania as being boring? He’s faced the same person twice in the last four years. HBK twice…and now, Triple H twice. Really? There isn’t anyone else? Instead of bring back The Rock to make Cena look good for another year, why not have HIM face The Undertaker at some point?
Fuck, at this point, I’d rather see The Funkasaurus going against Taker.
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Did any of you catch the waste of air time they showed during SmackDown with Santino and Heath Slater? Santino was playing “target practice” with his stupid sock puppet and some plastic Solo cups. Slater walks up and pulls a douchebag move on Santino by knocking all the cups off the table. Santino retaliates by squirting water out of the “cobra’s” mouth into Slater’s face…twice. Santino says this one is a “speeting cobraaaaaahhhh”.
After I was done rolling my eyes, I thought about it for a minute. They market these cobra thingies for sale on WWEShop.com and in the concession areas at live events. All I can say is, it’s lucky these things are only retarded arm socks and not condoms! A “spitting cobra” condom would be only slightly less useful than Santino himself….the proverbial screen door on the submarine called WWE.
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Speaking of bad angles, was there another farting segment with Natalya this week? If there was, I missed it. I didn’t see it, and hopefully this means they chose to drop the stupidity and give Natalya the credibility she deserves. They say Vince Russo was fired from writing for TNA just a few weeks ago, but I have a feeling he was moonlighting for WWE long before this!
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Alright, troopers! I’m pretty much done for this week. Hope y’all had a good time. I know I did. If not, what the fuck is wrong with you???
I’ll catch you next time, people. Until then…YOU’RE DISMISSED!!
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Had enough yet? You got something to say to me? E-mail me at darkside619@hotmail.com and get it off your flabby little chest! Your feedback is both welcomed and encouraged, and your responses will be highlighted in my next Boot Camp article. Your orders are clear, troops……it’s time to stand up and sound off!! I’ll make you famous! >:)
Until next time, this is The Sarge…..reminding you: The difference between genius and stupidity is: genius has its limits.
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I’m guessing most of you know me well enough to know that I’m feeling rather down this week. Those of you who do know that you also know why. For those of you who don’t know, you will. So I guess I’ll shut it and get to bidness.
My poor poor Wade Barrett. He didn’t quite have the week he had planned on having. He was so sure he was walking out of the Elimination Chamber as World Heavyweight Champion, and after literally carrying that entire match, from start to being the second to last eliminated, he really should have. Barrett worked his ass off in that match. Starting off against Big Show, and being the final three standing in the chamber. The match was weak. He was the one who made innovative use of the chamber and the chamber doors as weapons. He made each and every single wrestler in there look good, with the exception of Khali because nobody can make him look good. Even when Daniel Bryan fucked up, Wade fixed the mistake effortlessly. He has leader written all over him. But after all of Barrett’s hard work, he was pinned by Santino. Yes, Santino (more on him later–if I remember, lol). Wade Barrett should be very proud of himself because he did an incredible job in the chamber last Sunday. As someone who respects and admires Barrett, I’m happy for him and the work he did in that ring. However, Monday on RAW wasn’t so kind to Barrett. An unfortunate twist of fate , in what my buddy, Karsten, described perfectly as a “train wreck” took Wade’s WrestleMania away from him. It was an accident due to horrible planning in the match. Both Barrett and R-Truth were eliminated from the 10-man Battle Royal (with the 10 Chamber participants) for the number one contendership to the WWE Championship. They were both on the floor in-front of the announce team, when Big Show tossed Dolph Ziggler over on top of them. They were already standing pretty much against the announce table, there was no place to go. In fact, it looked like Ziggler took the worst of it but that wasn’t the case. As both Truth and Barrett adjusted themselves to avoid conking their own heads on the announce table as they fell backwards, Barrett landed wrong on his left elbow. Curse words flew out of his mouth, loud enough that the camera picked it up. The camera work avoided Barrett while the medics worked on his arm. At one point they had to protect his left arm when Kofi got tossed out, almost landing on the already injured limb. Kofi’s agility allowed him to miss, but not by much. It was a complete fuck up. A stunt like that should be done on a complete different side of the ring, to allow room for movement if need be. Because of this, Wade Barrett will miss WrestleMania which is in 5 weeks today. He’ll be out for 6 to 8 weeks. Missing a very nice and likely fat pay-check because of the historical WrestleMania that will be taking place.
Hurry up and get better Wade! I already was forced to give up Glee for lent (this same week) I cannot give you up too.
Some of you probably don’t have Twitter or even understand this Twitter war between WWE Champion CM Punk, and woman-abuser rapper/r&b singer, Chris Brown. Well I think it’s rather simple. CM Punk lashed out at Brown for being exactly that, a woman abuser. Brown who brutally beat up former girlfriend Rihanna a few years ago during the Grammy’s weekend in 2009, has continuously used the incident to capitalize musically. He’s a douche. Plain and simple. Punk took it up on himself to come to the defense of women everywhere, especially those who have been abused by a Chris Brown douche-a-like and tweeted this;
“I would like @chrisbrown fight somebody that can defend themselves”
-CM Punk via Twitter @CMPunk
Chris Brown did indeed fire back at Punk, but has deleted all tweets directed at or to Punk since. However, WWE.com did document some of those tweets.
“@@CMPunk needs more followers. He’s such a leader! Not to mention the roids hes on has made it utterly impossible for him pleasure a women.”
-Chris Brown via Twitter @chrisbrown
The war heated up when Punk posted this on twitter…
“@CMPunk http://twitvid.com/4CAPE – This must be said.”
-CM Punk via Twitter
Minutes later, Brown replied…
“@CMPunk the video u just posted was cute! It’s so funny how defensive u are,”
and
“And the fact that I really don’t know who you are and could give a [expletive] is the funny part! I really hope this 15 minutes of fame is paying you for the long run becuz music last forever! Wrestlers come and go according to ratings!”
-Chris Brown via Twitter
Brown continued to tweet saying that he missed real wrestlers, like “Brett the hitman Heart, Hacksaw Jim Duggan, Coco Beware and Rowdy Roddy Pipper.” I would like to point out that if he missed them so much then you would think the fucker would know how to spell their names; Bret “The Hitman” Hart, “Rowdy” Roddy Piper and Koko B. Ware. Just sayin’. Not only that, notice that they are all threatening sounding wrestlers, “Hitman”, “Hacksaw,” “Rowdy,” and “B. Ware”? Huh? Yeah! Before signing off for the night. Brown tweeted this…
“Note:today will be the last day I bring @cmpunk existence up!The confrontations that people continuously bring my way are very amusing. Cuz honestly, that [expletive] is too time consuming to argue wit every person who has their own issues to deal with!”
-Chris Brown via Twitter
CM Punk wasn’t finished either. One last tweet regarding this, was simple.
-CM Punk via Twitter
I’m not going to say that anyone who jumped on either side’s bandwagon shouldn’t have, because I did. I sent out my own tweets in support of CM Punk and women everywhere. Abuse or not, no woman should be supporting anyone who physically assaults women then capitalizes on it financially, whether it be through music or acting. Chris Brown is a chump stain on the underwear that belongs to the planet. He’s nothing. A couple of my twitter friends, who are major CM Punk supporters also were involved in this twitter war. I think Punk’s side has good reason to be involved. Not only did Chris Brown come off like a fucking 12-year old, but he backed down awfully fast. The war made headlines. PUNK made headlines. Brown’s tweets came while Punk was in the ring during the live SmackDown airing on Tuesday. I guess he saw that he couldn’t beat down Punk and that there was no way that he could beat Punk at words either. Brown was done.
Now my friends and I took our own beat down by some of Brown’s fans. The three of us were called “cunts” in different formations by a rather uneducated woman who was in support of Brown. Her tweets to us made no sense and I only wish I had copied them to post here. It makes me think what kind of woman she had to be to support an abusive retard like Chris Brown. My friend in the states who I met through Vickie Guerrero’s twitter a few months back, told me that she had 14 females and 1 male tweet her back in defense of Brown. Makes you wonder what kind of people those 15 fans of his are like. My guess is, potential serial killers who start by just the odd slap to their mates, then graduating up to physically harming them enough so they need to stay in a hospital. It sickens me. I’m disgusted by these people.
I guess people forget just how dedicated, supportive, passionate and strong us wrestling fans truly are. Most of us regard the men and women in the ring as part of our extended family. The big wacky extended family that we like to escape to when times in our own families or lives get rough. And we band together in defense and support when one of those members take shots from outsiders. #TeamCMPunk all the way people!
(picture credit to the CM Punk Is God facebook page–be sure to check that out)
As a woman, I want to thank him. I want him to know that I appreciate him coming to mine and other women’s defense and supporting us. For being an amazing role model, who is mature, well spoken and educated. One who is respectful towards the women in the world. One who clearly values his life as well as others. For showing us what it’s like to be a true leader that we don’t have to follow, but we WANT to follow. As a woman approaching her 30’s (shut up), who has two young nieces in their early teens, I’m SO happy that they look to CM Punk. I couldn’t ask for a better person for them look up to.
Just an amendment to what I just wrote up there. Apparently Chris Brown, who is still under probation for his assault on Rihanna, has been accused of stealing a 24 year old woman’s phone when she tried to take a picture of him. If he is arrested, he could (should) be thrown in jail for violating his probation.
Now on to something else.
I already talked briefly about the Elimination Chamber pay-per-view while talking about Wade Barrett. I just want to talk about it as a whole. Probably one of the strongest matches on there was one that wasn’t even booked. Justin Gabriel took on Jack Swagger for Swagger’s United States Championship. It was booked “during” the show, but they had a solid match. Was it fantastic? No, but it was better than the other matches. The RAW Elimination Chamber match was pretty strong, actually but lacked excitement when Jericho got eliminated because he fell out of the chamber due to Punk kicking him out. He banged his head and was deemed “unable to compete.” At about 25 minutes Kofi wows and gets the first “holy shit” chant of the night when he became Spider Kofi. I actually thought he would do more risky moves, but he didn’t. Slightly disappointed. Out of the Chamber matches RAW’s was the strongest. Beth Phoenix and Tamina tangoed in the ring for just a little over seven minutes for Phoenix’s Diva’s Championship. As suspected these two raised the bar for the other diva’s in the back. When you think about it, it really wasn’t that hard to do. Lol! The Ambulance match between Cena and Kane was 21-minutes and 32-seconds of my life that I will NEVER get back! Other than me already boasting about Wade Barrett’s actions in the SmackDown’s Elimination Chamber match for Daniel Bryan’s World Heavyweight Championship, I only have three things to add to that. 1) Khali sucks and they were smart to eliminate him rather quickly. However, he never should have been in the match in the first place. 2) Santino Marella for all the joking and him looking like a complete set of shrunken donkey balls, he is a solid wrestler (minus the sock that looks like a cobra), and he did a damn good job as a replacement, however as the joke that he has become he never should have pinned Cody Rhodes or Wade Barrett. 3)Probably one of the most incredible displays of busting into someone else’s sealed chamber, was when Big Show busted through the chains on the top of Daniel Bryan’s chamber with his bare hands and then managed to climb in. He kicked D. Bryan’s ass in the tiny space, and then kicked his ass out of the chamber when the doors finally opened. That was pretty cool. Almost horror movie like with the giant hand coming through the roof trying to grab hold of your head. As for Laurinaitis’ segment in the ring, we could have done without that. If we must have it, save that shit for RAW or SmackDown.
Speaking of Laurinaitis, please God no, do not put him on both RAW and SmackDown. Don’t put him on any show. I can’t take him. He may actually have the power to kill wrestling for me forever.
Eve, if you are seriously going to be given a storyline to be involved in, then please take some acting classes and PASS them. I’ve seen better acting come out of my brother’s ass when he passes gas. He says it doesn’t smell in a very convincing way, and I think he’s right and then POW! It hits ya like a bitch slap that stings your eyes and make you want to die.
Damn good promo work done by Triple H, The Undertaker and John Cena this week. Not all in the same promo. Triple H and Undertaker said a lot in their promo. But the word coward kept getting tossed out there and I really don’t want them to build this angle on the word “coward.” The Undertaker going out there in a hood to cover his hair, or lack there of, made him look like he was taken right out of the Ministry era. The entire promo is really hard to grasp unless your looking and hearing the words. Some people may have found it weak. I thought the exact opposite.
As for John Cena’s promo about The Rock, I thought he did a fine job. When Cena gets serious, he becomes almost tolerable. It’s really not much different from what we’ve heard before but the delivery this time was different. He said he doesn’t respect The Rock, and has legitimate beef with The Rock. Says despite him (Cena) doing movies, he always makes wrestling his priority. Not just saying he will always be there and then buggers off to Hollywood. Says he isn’t fighting for himself, but he’s fighting for all the professional wrestlers out there who work hard in their business. Cena becomes rather passionate about this and you can tell he is serious.
Just the other day I found this on www.prowrestling.com about another WWE Superstar who agrees with John Cena, but remained anonymous;
“With The Rock making his much anticipated return to Raw next Monday, John Cena had harsh words for “The Most Electrifying Man In Sports Entertainment,” saying he’s no longer The People’s Champion, but he’s a champion with people (referring to the entourage around him). After strongly criticizing The Rock for returning, but not sticking around WWE, Cena vowed to beat the iconic grappler in his hometown of Miami, Florida at WrestleMania XXVIII.
A number of WWE performers appeared giddy backstage over Cena’s remarks as they legitimately feel that way over Johnson. One talent commented via text to PWInsider.com (with permission to be quoted under condition of of anonymity: “[The Rock] comes in to use WWE to get back the audience he lost doing Disney movies, which is fine but he’s been back over a year and name one person he helped make a bigger star since then? No one.
“He’s here for himself, he keeps to himself, and he keeps someone who’s actually touring here all year from making a bigger payday at the bigger shows. It’s all about making this the “biggest” Mania of all time. OK, then what do we do the rest of the year? Who’s been made? You think he took ANY blame for Survivor [Series] not drawing? Of course not, but how do you feud with a guy on the Titantron? Cena nailed the guy dead on tonight.
“Say anything about Triple H, ‘Taker, etc. still being in the top spot but if they were needed to work the road, they would and they would still work their asses off as much as they needed to. Rock is out for Rock and the idea he’s here to better anything but his own wallet is the biggest work of 2012.”
-Story by: Steve Carrier (www.prowrestling.com)
So far I am digging Cody Rhodes. I never thought I would say that because I’ve never really been a fan of any of the Rhodes’. Not a huge Goldust fan, although I do occasionally find him funny. Definitely never been a Dusty Rhodes fan. I can’t understand a word that man says and quite frankly I can’t pin-point what makes him so “great” in the ring. Cody looks better, talks better and is a better worker in the ring than his father and older brother. He’s proving it right now by entering in a feud with The Big Show. He’s learning to enter the head of his competitor, and that’s an important part of being in the professional wrestling business. Especially as a heel, and with Wade Barrett gone for the upcoming 6 to 8 weeks (*swipes tear away), Rhodes has an opportunity to step up and become a top heel. That kid, he is grabbing that by the balls and swigging on it ’til dawn. Interrupting Big Show’s match against Mark Henry on SmackDown this week with his little mind-fuck was great. “Cody Rhodes Presents….Another Embarrassing Big Show WrestleMania Moment,” then proceeded to show clips from one of the worst matches ever, Big Show vs. Aki Bono from WrestleMania 21. Good job Cody! Good Job! You just earned my respect.
Oooh one more thing. Before I let you lovelies out of my grasp this week. This is my “Diva Presents, who should be ‘Future Endevoured’.” Yes a new segment that I hope to do at least once a month. And this month, the list is long. Ready? 1)Aksana, 2)John Laurinaitis, 3)Khali, 4)The Bella twins, 5)Alicia Fox, 6)AJ, 7)Eve, 8)Brodus Clay, 9)His funkettes, and finally 10)Teddy Long.
Because, In Life…There Are Winners, and There Are Losers….Be Jealous and Be Sexy!
Wanna a Piece of Diva? Email her at Fatal4WayBlog@gmail.com
OR, hit her up on Twitter: @F4WDiva
Undertaker/HHH Promo + Wade Barrett injured:
That’s it for this weeks Fatal 4-Way. Remember any questions and inquiries can be sent to us at Fatal4WayBlog@gmail.com, Diva will forward any questions to Greg, The Game or Sarge to answer. We Thank everyone for reading us each and every week. We try our best. Check back for more shenanigans next week. Cheers!
“For your information, I’m disease free, I’d like to keep it that way.”
-John Cena to Eve on RAW 02/20/12
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